A Christmas Prayer for My Family

We come together today for Christmas as we have so many times before. Christmas is a little bit different each year. Sometimes we share gifts and sometimes only hugs. Sometimes there is permeating cheer. Sometimes sadness and resent. Sometimes Grandpa is grumpy. But usually he is the life of the party. The kids grow bigger each year and await their day at the grown-up table, even though there is never room. New guests come and sadly never return. But with all of the changes and the occasional struggles, I love this day. I anticipate with child-like giddiness the abundant decoration, the wealth of food, the sound of laughter, the games, the political jokes, the presentation of pictures of new babies in the family, the sharing of news, the wine, the nap, and the leftovers. But most of all, I love the people at this table. (And the kids' table too :o)! )

This past year in particular has been tough for all. We've endured more than our share of heartbreak. We have worried about our finances and our livelihoods. We have closed the doors of our dreams. We have felt disappointment and betrayal. We have had houses falling apart beneath our feet. We have had our hearts broken over loved ones. We have wept over the ailments of others deserving of better. We have had too many hospital visits that ended with tragedy. At times, we've lived breath-by-breath and day-by-day. And we said goodbye way too early to George, a beautiful soul and a warm, generous man who I believe still sits with us here in spirit. This year has been too much, too often. And I for one am ready to let it go.

I am ready to let go of that heartbreak and to give thanks. To give thanks for healing, for getting to know each other again, for the support, for the warm hugs, for the shared meals, for the middle-of-the-night phone calls when we just couldn't make it to morning on our own. For the ribbing, for the honesty, for the good and bad advice. For all of the sacrificed weekends of electrical repair & landscaping advice, for the recipe exchanges, for the kids' youthful airs. For trying to be better people. For the inappropriate discussions of Julia's sexual prowess at Thanksgiving dinner, for the election that ignited hope across the world. For nights of gay karaoke and tears in smoky bars, for living in the same house all year (that's me!), for forgiving each others' faults (except for Mom who tells us time and again that she doesn't have any), and for trying to forgive our own.

I pray on this day that we are able to recognize that we are part of a bigger plan and a larger world and for us to give thanks that we are not alone in our journeys. I pray that we can have faith that we will heal, that we will be prosperous, that we will continue to love and to find love, to laugh until our sides ache, and to seek out the beauty and inspiration that life brings even though it seems impossible to find at times. I love you all. Merry Christmas.